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[YOUR HOST THIS EVENING] |
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[SUBMITTED FOR THE APPROVAL OF THE MIDNIGHT SOCIETY] |
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we've all been SPOOKED. we've all been scayuhd by random bullshit. here's a selection of eerie shit from youtube and my memories. |
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[THE WIZARD OF OZ HANGING MUNCHIKIN] |
I STILL BELIEVE, GOD DAMN YOU! I know the munchikin's been """"DEBUNKED""" as a """HOAX""" by the liberal anti-midget-suicide media, but I remain a hanging munchikin truther. even if, by some THIN MARGIN, it's A FAKE, the hoax video is eerie enough to still give me the hastag chills.
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[SHIT MY SISTER'S BEST FRIEND'S BROTHER TOLD ME] |
in primary school, since my parents both worked 9-5 jobs, i'd spend my afterschool hours at my older sister's best friend's house, where i'd sit alone in the living room while my sister and her friend sat upstairs, talking about one direction and other sophisticated topics my year four self was not privy to. my boredom would only be alleviated when said sister's best friend's older brother, jacob, came back from highschool, slapped on his copy of dead rising two, as he wasn't allowed to keep the xbox in his own room, and bestowed upon me his infinite wisdoms:
once, as he worked his way through the casino section, the elder jacob let me in on the insane story of his friend mitchell's haunted snow white vhs. it was apart of a huge vhs collection passed down to him from his dead nan, and was notable for being the only vhs that was still wrapped up. so, naturally, mitchell unwraps the thing, pops it in, and settles down for an evening of disney magic. or so he THOUGHT HE WOULD. instead, the movie plays out as normal, but snow white actually gets wounded by the dark forest. when she finds the dwarves, they start to die, one by one, scene by scene, but their corpses remained in place of the live dwarves. mitchell, home alone, bravely powers through these terrifying moments, until the final dwarf dies, and the movie cuts to black. then, it fades into a BLOODY MICKEY MOUSE FACE. he even assured me that, not only had mitchell shown him the physical vhs, but that he'd actually seen the bloody mickey mouse face IN PERSON- it was burned as a negative image into mitchell's family tv, now located in the guy's back garden.
another gem was when jacob demonstrated to me the coca cola conspiracy. he told me that they still use genuine cocaine in the drink, and that he had GENUINE PROOF. naturally, I begged him to show me, so he whips a giant, (completely empty,) two litre coke bottle out of his backpack, and grabs a sharpie from the kitchen. he then held the bottle on its side, and highlighted the two curls on either end of the C in "cola"- these, he said, represented a nose. he highlighted the loop in the L- this was a bag of cocaine. and then, trimphantly highlighting the little swoop that connects the C & L, declared the new image to be a nose snorting cocaine from a bag, using the swoop as a straw. my mind was BLOWN that a company could be so sinister. afterwards, he ripped the label off the bottle, scrunched it up, and ominously warned me not to repeat what I had just learned, making current me a FILTHY SELLOUT. whoops. sorry jacob!
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[DORA NO MORE] |
dear lord, I didn't even see this one as a kid, right. I saw it last SUMMER, man, and this shit gave me such a horrible, horrible feeling. there's something just gross about the way this is animated, and it's hard to pinpoint, but the whole video's just OFF. like compare this to dumb ways to die or even SMILE HD, and you'll notice how unpalatable this one is. and the bizarro music doesn't help, either, just LISTEN to that shit!!!
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[LOITUMA ONION SMASH] |
EVIL! evil, evil, evil, DARKSIDED video. good GOD. one of the few things on this list that STILL give me the jibblies. euuuuugghghghgh. it's the distorted ievan polkka that plays that gets me I think.
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[COOKING MAMA: PETA EDITION] |
finding this without any vegetarian context on one of those kids flash games sites might've ruined me as a child.
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[HAPPY APPY] |
baby's first creepypasta. wouldn't it be fucked up if happy appy was an actual show? I swear to god, there's an episode where the happy appy kidnaps some kids in a rusty van and takes them to go see 9/11 happen.
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[SMILE HD] |
I think this was my first introduction to the idea that the internet could be a fucked up and evil little place. sure, now, I think this is the funniest shit i've ever seen. pinkie pie stomps on rainbow dash so hard that she vomits up her insides- I could rave to that. but as a freshly minted eleven year old, or however old I was when I saw this because fuck if I know, this was jarring. I particularly remember being freaked out by the shot of fluttershy(?) at the end screaming in agony from her flesh being burnt off.
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[THE SIMPSONS COUCH GAG- YOU'RE NEXT] |
picture the scene- you're me,thirteen, during the first of what would become many iconic paranoid moments. the atmosphere in the house is tense as SHIT. you get the feeling that somebody's gonna go postal any minute, so you've taken the mechanism out of your door in anticipation. in this time of immense worry, and because you've forgotten the moral you learnt from SMILE HD that web animation can be a lil fucked up sometimes, you turn to the big video website for comfort. and the youtube gods vomit this among you. and lee hardcastle is REAL good at gore claymation. woof. to compare it with SMILE HD again, one moment stuck with me as I felt around for the lead pipe I keep lying around my room: homer reaching for the phone, and promptly getting a machete to the hand.
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[???] |
as a litlun, I think I had some deep-set emotional issues, and I used to get really upset about the idea of children and toys being abandoned. my dad used to sit me in front of his computer and show me random funny internet videos, and there was a series of them that featured a random child's face superimposed over some classic mid-2000's flash animation, usually animated so the kid looks like it's singing along. anyway, one of these videos had the backdrop of a pram hurtling down a road, and that REALLY fucking upset me. I must've been like five, so I couldn't even articulate why this was making me bawl.
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[THE INCREDIBLE HULK COASTER CRASHES!!!] |
I was such a morbid p.o.s. child. i'd see videos with titles like this and think "OOOOOH NO FUCKIN WAY DUDE WHAT THE FUCK DUDE" (with less fuckwords), click on, and then promptly get assblasted by a screamer. special mention to HULK COASTER CRASHES, though, because after getting jumpspooked, I went down to the comments and saw the greatest roast of all time: "why'd you put a picture of your mom at the end of the video". god. if I ever say anything half as smart as that, I could be John Einstein.
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[YOUTUBE HYPNOSIS VIDEOS] |
even when they didn't have screamers, these videos gave me the fuckin creeps. most of the time, the extent of the "hypnotism" would be to stare into the gif and then look at the wall, and it's like WOOOOAUGHGHV IT TOTALLY LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE UNDERWATER DUDE!!! WHAT THE FUCK BRO!!!
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[R BUDD DWYER] |
tl;dr, a politician shoots himself in the mouth in front of a crowd of stunned onlookers. I wasn't ready to see it, but I did, and thought about it nonstop for like a week in year 8.
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[ANNOYING ORANGE SAW] |
I didn't even watch the video. the thumbnail just freaked me the fuck out. in my childhood room was a stable-type door that lead up to the loft, and the top half would drift open constantly. i'd imagine billy jigsaw's head slowwwwwwwly emerging from the doorway. pure nightmare fuel, and I did it to myself.
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[BUTTONS FOR COOLKIDS] |
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