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TUNES I CONSUME

AND THE REASONS THAT CONSUME THEM

INSANE CLOWN POSSE- THE JOKER'S WILD

listen man, say what you want about icp, juggalos, and that time they revealed they were full on jesus-freaks, but shaggy n violent j sure do know how to paint a vivid fucking scene in their lyrics. I wish I sucked less at bass, else i'd be able to play the bassline off this song. le sigh.


DEL SHANNON- HATS OFF TO LARRY

sometimes you just like a song because it reminds you of the first time you went to the sierra madre, y'know?


THE JUDY'S- GUYANA PUNCH

as you may or may not know, i'm not into tcc and all that jazz. I am, however, randomly and bizarrely obsessed with jim jones and the people's temple. the tcc bitches always try and tell me what's what about jonestown, and I lay down the law by flexing my horrible and vast knowledge of jim jones's times as a monkey salesman. good times. this song's all about those wacky times out in the jungle compound, anyhow, and like every other song on this page, (yes, even that one you're thinking of, or that one you'll see shortly by scrolling down I guess,) it's good. puts a silly little smile upon my face.


SATANTIC SURFERS- ARMLESS SKATER

over the last few weeks, i've been scraping through all the music I liked on youtube over lockdown, cherrypicking the tracks I ended up never totally-legally-saving to my phone, and giving them another shot. this is one of those weird inbetween ones that I enjoyed enough to give repeated listens to, but never made the jump. it's probably for the best, because like many of those lockdown songs, this song and that nigh-endless summer are now married in my fragile mind. and who am I to sever such a beautiful union?


SLOPPY SECONDS/THE UNLOVABLES/THE GO-GO'S- VACATION

that's right, i'm pulling a highly ilicit 3x song combo in one chunk. the authorities are en route, and they're bringing those dogs that have to get put down once they've outlived their usefulness. old yeller aside, vacation is just a fucking quality song that only improves when combined with covers, and I will unabashedly enjoy it no matter the frowns and impending legal consequences. remember when it was in always sunny, when mac and frank are on that party bus? cinema. the sloppy seconds cover is pretty 1:1 in comparison with what the unlovables pulled, which (SPOILERS FOR THIS SONG YOU'RE NOT GONNA LISTEN TO BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU'RE ABOVE "VACATION", THUS MAKING YOU LAME AS SHIT) is to work the chorus in randomly towards the end of a totally different song. and, I tell ya, they pull off the manouevre beautifully. one day i'll do up the link in the title so each artist links to their own version of the song, but that day is not today, as I would sooner die like those police dobermans than try and activate youtube on this shitbox laptop I own.


BRENDAN SMALL- MY NAME IS MURDER

ALL RISE FOR THE NATIONAL ANTHEM. metalocalypse has been confirmed for a movie, meaning I get to see my beloved wife, William Murderface, on screen once more. he will likely pull some bullshit, if this song and the album from whence it came are any indication. i'm so fucking hyped, you people have no idea. that purple vein scenario from the end of Doomstar is finally gonna get concluded. it's all coming together.


THE RAMONES- NEEDLES AND PINS (DEMO)

I prefer the demo to the actual polished released. yeah, i'm kinda quirky like that I guess haha. clowning aside, I heard what I assume to be the original at the local Flying Tiger chain, googled the lyrics, and only found the ramones version. if only I cared enough to dive deeper and see what the mystery is about. until I grow that urge, this version is doing quite nicely. it does that thing I like in punk songs where the final verse is a little more sentimental and it's marked with a key change. very nice stuff.


THE AQUABATS!- THE SHARK FIGHTER!

if you get filtered by the aquabats, there's no hope for you. we can all sit around with our serious music for angsty people, stewing in our own putrid emotional shortcomings, that's cool I guess, but sometimes you need to take a step back, breathe, and listen to music that makes you imagine a guy stabbing the shit out of a shark. silly music about murdering marine life. just consider it.


ELECTRIC SIX- HELLO, I SEE YOU

as time begrudgingly marches on, everything's gonna be totally cool from now on.


CRACK STUNTMAN- AN IMPORTANT RAP SONG

so this is my favourite song from homestar runner. fuck you. listen. this shit has been stuck in my head since april, and I have to use ALL MY STRENGTH not to fucking recite it daily. matt chapman is such an unbelievably talented and entertaining va that it astounds me. like you don't consider that an actual guy had to rap this until you see the live performance, which, sidebar, is totally fucking INSANE. and believe me, there's a PALPABLE difference.


THE DARKNESS- CHRISTMAS TIME (DON'T LET THE BELLS END)

all hail the best christmas song of all fucking time. i'm not sure if this gets any airplay outside of the UK, but if you're unfamiliar with this one, consider yourself a dumb bitch who needs to get listening. not only is this a christmas song with all the trimmings, but it also features DICK JOKES. and a BUTTHOLE JOKE. and a CHILDREN'S CHOIR SINGS THE DICK JOKE. it's glorious. just listen to the RIFFFFFS. it makes every other christmas song look like fucking child's play. kiddy shit. not even worth your time. listen to justin hawkin's VOICE. GOOD GOD. THEY DO THE THING WHERE A ROBOT SHOWS UP TO SING A BIT. honest to god if you ignore this whenever it hits the radio every year, you dont have a SOUL. i've refrained from mentioning the darkness so far because it'd feel bullshit to not introduce them with this song.


SLOPPY SECONDS- LONELY CHRISTMAS

I found this song on like the 27th of december last year and was IMMEDIATELY pissed off about how i'd only get less than a week of listening to it before christmas music became fake & gay on january the 2nd. well this year i'm not an asshole, and I REMEMBERED this fucking banger of a song, and it's STILL GOOD, so suck my balls 2019 me. I have the fun song. anyway, punk christmas songs tend to either be boring as shit or literally the finest piece of music ever constructed, and this falls into the latter category. those bagpipe-synthesiser-goodnoisemakers during the chorus really tie this shit together, as do the backing vocals. really gives it the stupid holiday song sound, like I could slip this bitch on between christmas wrapping and last christmas without anybody clocking that it's a cynical little tune about being a solitary cunt on christmas. at the time of writing this, I haven't linked the song, (or any the last two tunes, ZOINKS,)but I BEG that you give this one a listen if you're cracking into this page at those holiday-type times.


ALL- VIDA BLUE

fuuuuuuuuuuuuck. if Mary made me who I am, Vida Blue is the song that holds me tight and tells me everything's gonna be alright and to quit having so many thoughts. whenever this shit comes up on my shuffle before college, I have to sit there in reverence, and accept that the day is simply gonna be a good time. I think, more than anything, i'd like to make somebody feel like this song some day.


THE DEAD MILKMEN- SILLY DREAMS

shit's obscenely calming. that's all I can say. ok, maybe I can say a little more, like how this carries on the aforementioned theme of The Dead Milkmen's songs being lil stories, or how the flute bit in the background constantly gets stuck in my head, or how I listened to this in the taxi to the airport the last time I went on vacation so I'll always associate it with the empty main roads at 4am, (I think I only remember it so vividly because the road lights made everything so fucking orange,) but my words are failing me these days.


JONAS BROTHERS- YEAR 3000

the dumb bitches are shitting themselves in sheer boiling rage over the fact that i'm not writing about the busted version. my taste is exquisite, I apologise for nothing, and this is simply the better version of the song. fuck you. anyway it's only here because of a club penguin music video I used to inject directly into my veins every day when I was a child, so there.


RAMONES- PET SEMATARY

I can't listen to this without feeling incredibly shitty. last year I did a halloween event for college, and it was the best fucking time ever. I was resplendent. I spent the entire week meeting people my age and painting them as clowns, which is probably all I could possibly want from this wretched, wretched world. On the final night, Halloween itself, I was left packing up the makeup & costumes when it was all over, and as I looked around at that emptyass storage room we were based in, I felt quite severely that i'd never have such a grand old time again, at least not for a while. truthfully, I was right, and I can't help but mourn what could've been. this played in the car ride home, (my dad & stepmom, upon me climbing my skeleton-costumed self into the car, quickly told me to cut the halloween shit out because they don't celebrate it,) and i've had a grim association with the tune ever since.


GNARKILL- MUSTARD MAN!

this song is saved on my phone as "mean mr.mustard" by the beatles, because piracy. I hope that, if I die, some poor beatles fan finds this file and is like "oh rah is this an obscure beatle track I like???" and immediately breaks down sobbing as soon as they hear it.


STRAIGHT OUTTA JUNIOR HIGH- TINA FEY

can't believe it took me this long to talk about sojh. these motherfuckers and their tunes were probably the definitve soundtrack to my highschool years. I bought a t shirt from their bandcamp a few years ago and never got it. fucking legends. this song in particular gets a shoutout for describing the exact kind of mediocre fun-esque relationship I wanted back then.


MY GAY UNCLE- HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME

I was posessed by the severe need to find this cover a few minutes ago, and I have no idea where I found it originally. all I know is that this band didn't make nearly enough music, and I haven't listened to their shit nearly enough.


BITCHIN'- BITCHIN' ANTHEM

the song title is right. this is a bitchin' anthem. like a couple of the songs further down, I found this one at the start of quarantine on a giant piss-off youtube channel. since I haven't changed my shower playlist since the start of april, this will forever be cursed to be a quarantine song.


CLUB PENGUIN- EPIC WIN!

you people like nostalgia, right? right??? I once made a vaporwave remix of this song (it was actually just daycore, but only fuckin geeks care about the difference) to impress a guy I liked. he didn't care, but i've enjoyed the remix ever since. the original is still better, though, and the best song to play in the dance-off minigame.


ROKY ERICKSON- FOR YOU (I'D DO ANYTHING)

my only want in this sick world is to slowdance with somebody to this song. roky erickson makes me feel.


THE QUEERS- I CAN'T GET OVER YOU

I honestly understand why they rereleased this song so much. they never beat the original, but that's because this song's sick as fuck and they never quite brought back the duet element or the sheer joy in that ending bit.


JELLYFISH- NEW MISTAKE

this song haunts me. i've sat here for a good five minutes trying to articulate why I like it so much, but honestly just give it a listen. jellyfish are wizards of the musical realm. listen to joining a fanclub while you're at it, too.


GORILLAZ- DARE

another member of the theme park hype playlist. I first heard of gorillaz the night before I first went to alton towers, so the two are permanently wed in my mind. dare is probably my second favorite gorillaz song, but don't quote me on that, because I haven't really listened to them since humanz dropped.


REEL BIG FISH- HUNGRY LIKE THE WOLF

I miss theme parks and alton towers n shit so i'm listening to my hype playlist to help sate me. i'm not sated. love the song regardless, though, it's a flawless cover. got it stuck in my head when I went with the high school. funky times.


DAMONE- OUT HERE ALL NIGHT

no song goes harder in tony hawk's downhill jam, the only game of all time, than this one. ok, that's probably a lie, but it's still a good song. i'm allowed to hyperbolise, christ. get off my shit.


CLETUS- EMILY

AND I MISS YOU EMILYYYYYYYYYYY(WOOOOOAHHWOAH,,,,),


NADA SURF- POPULAR

this is the ultimate fun downer song. just have a bad day, play this, and PRETEND that you don't love the fact that your life is like how every shitty teen protagonist thinks their life is. i'll wait. I read the book they're quoting once, and it was pretty okay. 3/5.


MINDLESS SELF INDULGENCE- ALA MODE

blasted this during my final year of highschool. it was the perfect tonic for my feelings of pure boredom and helplessness as I was off-rolled and swept aside and severely clowned by the infinitely dickish education system. the section where they just yell icecream flavours has been throttled into my mind ever since.


SICKO- BAD YEAR

2020 anthem. even before the virus, I found myself in a veritable downward spiral where every joy in my life had been sapped most thoroughly. i'd listen to this on the bus to college, as I formulated excuses regarding my lack of homework and other mundane shit. I do not miss it.


ROKY ERICKSON- I WALKED WITH A ZOMBIE

this was the first Roky song i'd ever heard, and I instantly fell in love.


DETHKLOK- SKYHUNTER

two years ago, me and my friends kicked a bin into a ditch, and some old guy snitched on us to the school administrators. I listened to this on repeat for the duration of the paranoid breakdown that followed, and it's a fucking banger. I miss metalocalypse.


AFTER SCHOOL SPECIAL- I ONLY WANNA BE WITH YOU

I just realised that i've neglected to write about any bands from Mutant Pop, even though their label is this page's button. fuck. anyway, I started listening to this band when I got a heavy crush at college last year, and inhaled their entire discography until the school year ended. big ups to my friend dee, who told me the guy had a stupid voice when I posted this in the discord chat way back when.


THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW- WILD & UNTAMED THING

To be perfectly frank, pun intended, this song is here purely because of Riff Raff's part at the very end. Idk what kind of perfomance-enhancing voice drug Richard O'Brien was taking when he did that, but it worked and the whole bit has been stuck in my head since yesterday. It even ended up worming its way into my dream. Wacky stuff.


THE HOTDOG VENDORS- ENSIGN RO

I don't know shit nor fuck about Star Trek, but I do know that this song makes me smile like an idiot, so I guess that's what really matters in life.


TINKLE- ALTERNATIVE GIRL

I just realised that I should probably post the updates to this page up top instead of below. Anyway, this song is pretty great. I went through a spree at the start of lockdown, where I decided to listen to every song on this channel. I think I got down to around No.800 from their newest upload. This one's a time capsule back to a time when Fake Grunge Girls were a major societal issue or whatever.



ALL- MARY

Let the records show that I would not be a person if it weren't for this song, and by extension, the whole album from whence it came. Listen to that punchy bass and TELL ME that you don't want this injected directly into your bloodstream. The version linked is the Greatest Hits recording, but every instance of Mary is amazing.



THE DEAD MILKMEN- DEAN'S DREAM

Yet another song that I hold personally accountable for how I am currently. This one reminds me of endless summer afternoons spent trekking home from school, chugging a whole KA Grape, and wondering when the fuck life was gonna get interesting. The Dead Milkmen's songs always tell some sort of bizarre tale, and that I appreciate.


THE JUDYS- MENTAL OBSESSION

I can always get behind a song about delusional thoughts that are basically ALL BASS. 'nuff said. I'm pretty sure that there are no guitars on this EP because their guitarist died before recording, but i'm also drunk so you'll probably wanna fact check that one.


SCREECHING WEASEL- MY RIGHT

One time some guy said the intro to this is a waste of time, so I can only guess he fucking sucks at having ears. The song's about doing what you want and not censoring yourself, but since ben weasel came out as an asshole, that message has become quite zesty. Still a banger though. Their newest album sucks.



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